Dear me in the future:
I'm writing this letter to you in the future, when all your kids are grown. When the smell of Desitin no longer lingers under your fingernails and you no longer spend a third of your grocery money on diapers and wipes. This is the time when you have kids in school and at least fifteen minutes where you can actually think your own thoughts without interruption. You must be missing the days of scraping milk pasted Cherrios off a high chair or finding month-old sippies full of curdled milk behind the couch. I wonder, what you are doing with all the time you used to spend scrubbing pooh that has been enamelled in the marble in the bathroom? What are you doing instead of repainting walls that have been drawn on with red Crayon? Do you miss chasing naked one year olds who've learned to open the screen door? Are there tears on your pillow from you pining for the night wakings and feedings?
No? Well, I've put together a list of things I wish I could be doing and hope that you have time to do them sometime in the future.
I'd like to volunteer at my kids school without having to take along disruptions. Go to the temple once a week, read a book without constant interruptions, or even a magazine article, or maybe a sentence. I'd love to travel back to my mission or to my hubby's mission, start a new hobby, write more books, exercise daily, keep my house clean, have a daily routine that includes showering and make up, call friends to see how they're doing, take up oil painting again, take classes from the local community college or work on a MFA, counseling degree or the life-long dream of Communication PhD.
Am I being unrealistic? Will other things fill the gap my semi-grown kids will leave? Is this an impossible or even depressing dream? Don't tell me if it is. Because these days, hoping that I can achieve at least some of the above someday is what gets me through.
Sincerely,
A mom with little kids
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